Uh Oh...


My brain is at it again.

I honestly don't know where I get this stuff.

Much like the last one, I'm not 100% sure I'm ready/willing/able to make this happen, but here it is for your amusement at least.

I was sitting here thinking of ways that I could give back to the community, and I was thinking about fundraisers (there are many local, national and international organizations worthy of donation, so I won't enumerate them all here).

My first thought being some sort of raffle (there was one that I thought was pretty successful at the GRUE), I sat here wondering what I could donate to something like that.

The only manufacturing experience I've got in the toy department is thigh harnesses, but those are simple and inexpensive enough that I'd almost rather just teach people how to make them themselves (4 parts, 5 minutes).

My skills in any one area are no match for many of the people I know, so that seemed like it'd be a somewhat hollow gesture.

Then I realized - there was something I had that someone might be willing to bid on. Something that I've had for a very long time and had never been willing to part with. I was going to have to put my ass on the line.

The only one who has ever put anything up my ass is me (other than for medical reasons). I'm 34 years old, and I have a cherry back there.

Now, once that notion set in, as always, I have to take it to the logical extreme. Ignoring the issue of whether or not I'd be willing to actually do it, I can't very well do it for money, even if it's destined for charity. There's just too much legal risk. So how then could this possibly work?

What about an essay contest? To be honest, the idea of having an essay (assay?) contest to determine who's going to give me a good rogering - who's going to make a good impression on my sphincter - amuses me greatly. Because that's my sickness, you see: these are the kinds of things that make me laugh.

Okay, so it's an essay contest - it may or may not raise my flag, but how the hell is it going to raise any money? Maybe if there were an 'application fee' or something...

No - open it to the public to vote for a winner - at a buck per vote!

Vote as often as you like!

Show who's winning but not the individual vote counts: that encourages more votes!

Show the total vote count, and increase the size of the dildo for every hundred dollars raised!

Talk about my mind writing checks my body may not be able to cash...

The scariest part of this whole thing is that this is all stuff I can do. I can write the custom voting application and get it hosted on a web site, and set up the accounts to take the donations. If I trained a bit more for it, I'm pretty sure I could take quite a large dildo.

It really comes down to the question of whether I want to bet my ass against the result I'm looking for. That, my friends, is a conundrum.

That and picking a topic for the essay, of course. ;)