A fantasy... maybe.

in

My mind invents things.

Frequently these things are scenarios.

I tend to revise them until they've reached an appropriate level of ridiculousness, and then decide whether or not it's still something I would want to do. The ridiculousness is important because it helps me identify whether it's the novelty of the thought, or the underlying thing - the initial proposition itself that piques my interest.

Yes, I know it's odd, but I'm an odd guy. Try to bear with me.

Tonight's topic du jour was facesitting as a means to tease. I was doing some shopping online and ran across a dildo chest harness. I've seen them before in stores, even at this one in particular, but for some reason tonight was the night that I thought about the mechanics of how it could be used to tease. I mean, sex would be happening inches from my face. Hot.

So now the wheels they start a-turnin'.

Interesting side note - throughout this whole exercise, to whom the harness would be strapped was never a question.

Obviously I'd have to be restrained - probably a spread-eagle to keep me from writhing around.

But there's that hood with a dildo protruding from its chin to replace... no! In addition to! More than one woman!

So, one on my chin, and one on my chest. One on my lap? No, that'd potentially defeat the purpose of the teasing. They do sell those thigh strapons though - that brings us up to four, assuming everyone can fit. At that point, why don't we call it an even six, 'cause I've got two hands that aren't doing anything yet... Maybe a couple on my feet too.. not sure of the mechanics, but it could be made to work...

Where am I going to find eight women that'd go for this crazy scenario where I'm at the bottom of a pile with dildos sticking out in all directions, and they're humping every damn body part I have, except for the one that wants it the most that's getting brutally teased...

Wait. TEASE? I mean, if I knew them better, I guess there's a possibility that it could be done. That drool thing came together pretty quickly, and even though this has a certain similar audacity, the squick factor is much lower... but it doesn't matter, because there's pretty much no realistic way for me to arrange it without coming across as being really sketchy. I mean, I could put it out there in a general way I guess, but they'd have to volunteer for it or something. It has to be their call with no pressure or expectation...

..the auction.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how it came to be that, in the middle of the night, and despite the proximity of my very vanilla roommates, I quite literally laughed out loud at the mental image of Bernie the auctioneer's face when he saw me step onto the stage in front of 300+ people, bristling head to toe with jiggling dildos.